This blog is about socializing a non-gay friend. I use the phrase “non-gay” loosely for those comfortable in their closet. This is a topic of recent interest since running the virtual Nude Beach for Men Only on the Second Life Grid. We tend to attract all varieties which is our desired outcome. Closeted men who do not identify with common gay-isms or culture while having a homosexual relationship can be a real drag. The degree of comfort we as out gay men enjoy gets compromised because of the different sensitivities of the counters. Not every man likes being referred to as “Gurl” or “Chile” even though they are common colloquialisms in gay life. It is comparable to the use of “Brother” or “Sister” when members of the same race refer to each other. Not because they are blood related but because they share a cultural connection and some would say a gender preference (with just a hint of shade).
Speaking of shade, too often the banter between out gay men can and will include slights or insults toward one another. For example: “Hey Gurl, You looking beat today. What time you got in from that party last night?” But it is not always as serious as the proverbial “Read” which is intended to be insulting, degrading, and a low down gut punch. Sometimes it is just done in fun, as a joke to keep the moment lively and light or better yet colorful. To an outsider, this form of exchange can be perceived as hostile, combative, and negative. But to out gay men it was just a metaphorical means of describing a situation. Even less complicated than the last sentence, this banter would be expected knowing the intention of the person giving it. In my mind I would process it as: “Ooh miss thing aint right, but not too wrong. I am feeling exhausted.” And just for posterity, gay men never refer to themselves as being “Tired”. So get a thesaurus and find other creative ways to describe it. <snap>.
So what do we do to orient our not-so-gay friends? Just like anything, these things take time. I would first recommend keeping an open mind and being slow to pass judgment. Then out gay men, you can interpret at your leisure until they pick it up on their own. After-all there is no school or curriculum offering these lessons. It just requires a day in the life. And maybe a bit longer.
nudebathingonsl 